Here's a nice piece of shit...

Oh, Billy. How you truly know how to describe my reaction (see post title) while stumbling onto an old, lost archive of wedding plans . Lost behind not one or two folders, but 6. One folder is even labeled the all helpful "misc". Save the Date! November, 24 2007. Somewhere in Florida two hopeless lovers foolishly thought it was in their best interest to unite their lives. It seems like such a silly concept now. How did we even get along? I am an introverted, selfish, narcissistic troll and can be highly driven, moody and uncongenial. I'll give the benefit of the doubt to people that say they can make it work. Maybe they're truly happy. I'd like to give my opinion on marriage. This is at least what I believe for now.

1. Marriage is an artifact of human life that was once very important and useful. I'm not going to dig too deeply into scientific research here. I'm sure there are multitudes of supporting literature in anthropology, evolutionary biology/psychology/sociology, ethnography and all sorts of other schools of philosophy that end in y. While the human animals with penises went out and got food, the ones without penises would fend of predators and raise the young. Codependence was a necessary adaptation to the environment, and the need to constantly care for our stupid fragile babies. Now that I have 24 hour a day access to police, food, internets and porn, why exactly do I need to establish a dependency on just one other person? Why does it have to be a woman? Why do I have to get the state, federal government, God and all sorts of other people I know involved? No thanks. I'll just play my zombie games and share the controller with whoever I want. That's right I just associated arbitrary sexual encounters with video games. Oh, I won't be able to have kids? Yeah, I'm not crying about that. Although kids are usually pretty good at Xbox.
   
2. Marriage requires love which I am unable to accept. To quote Pete (Paul Rudd) from Knocked Up "Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love." I can harp on about my failed engagement, but it's only one microscopic instance of failure in a universe of my relationships with family, friends and women. I might be lovable, but I can't and won't accept love. It might be called self-deprecation or displaced humility. I don't know. I don't really care either. I know who I am, and who I am doesn't really care if you love me. Just give me a few nibbles and let me nap in peace.

In summary, I wanted to offer a quote that has nothing to do with the rest of the blog post, but I thought was an awesome quote. I guess I could link it by saying "real country" is analogous to marriage, and the qualifiers for being a real country are like the necessary requirements for me to be happy in a marriage. My country never has beer.

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." Frank Zappa