Here's a nice piece of shit...

Oh, Billy. How you truly know how to describe my reaction (see post title) while stumbling onto an old, lost archive of wedding plans . Lost behind not one or two folders, but 6. One folder is even labeled the all helpful "misc". Save the Date! November, 24 2007. Somewhere in Florida two hopeless lovers foolishly thought it was in their best interest to unite their lives. It seems like such a silly concept now. How did we even get along? I am an introverted, selfish, narcissistic troll and can be highly driven, moody and uncongenial. I'll give the benefit of the doubt to people that say they can make it work. Maybe they're truly happy. I'd like to give my opinion on marriage. This is at least what I believe for now.

1. Marriage is an artifact of human life that was once very important and useful. I'm not going to dig too deeply into scientific research here. I'm sure there are multitudes of supporting literature in anthropology, evolutionary biology/psychology/sociology, ethnography and all sorts of other schools of philosophy that end in y. While the human animals with penises went out and got food, the ones without penises would fend of predators and raise the young. Codependence was a necessary adaptation to the environment, and the need to constantly care for our stupid fragile babies. Now that I have 24 hour a day access to police, food, internets and porn, why exactly do I need to establish a dependency on just one other person? Why does it have to be a woman? Why do I have to get the state, federal government, God and all sorts of other people I know involved? No thanks. I'll just play my zombie games and share the controller with whoever I want. That's right I just associated arbitrary sexual encounters with video games. Oh, I won't be able to have kids? Yeah, I'm not crying about that. Although kids are usually pretty good at Xbox.
   
2. Marriage requires love which I am unable to accept. To quote Pete (Paul Rudd) from Knocked Up "Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love." I can harp on about my failed engagement, but it's only one microscopic instance of failure in a universe of my relationships with family, friends and women. I might be lovable, but I can't and won't accept love. It might be called self-deprecation or displaced humility. I don't know. I don't really care either. I know who I am, and who I am doesn't really care if you love me. Just give me a few nibbles and let me nap in peace.

In summary, I wanted to offer a quote that has nothing to do with the rest of the blog post, but I thought was an awesome quote. I guess I could link it by saying "real country" is analogous to marriage, and the qualifiers for being a real country are like the necessary requirements for me to be happy in a marriage. My country never has beer.

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." Frank Zappa

TGIT

Considering the many ways a man can spend his Thursday evenings, a quick game of GTAIV could not be the worst. It's only been out for months now, and I just can't seem to get through the damn story. It probably doesn't help when I spend about an hour trying to ramp my motorcycle just right over a ford escort. Maybe I just miss waggling.

In other news, I guess myspace hasn't totally crashed and burned in its own fires yet. It's always fun to romp through some old postings from my other late 20's friends that haven't logged on since somewhere around the middle of December. For me, the disinterest stems from the incredibly terrible load times, and broken web servers they continue to use! I must have found that an internal error occured about 3 times in my 15 minutes, and I was only able to see about 3 friend photos waiting on the pages to load! I'll never blame my precious new TP Link adapter. I mean what would be more compatible with my WRT54G than some generic basement computers store wireless usb device.

maybe the internet is broken. thanks for your help MS

The Tools for Success

I've been playing World of Warcraft a little more than normal lately. I think I've become obsessive again with the game and understanding the mechanics down to the core elements. I don't understand the math, and it's taking more time just thinking about HOW to build a character than it does actually playing the character.

Does building a greatly twinked character help you succeed in playing that character well? I'm thinking not. I am thinking now that it is just a crutch to help players more accustomed to a certain style or "class" of character play another lower level character without totally killing themselves. Regardless, I'm trying my best to help out my new warrior get rare quality items to better play in battlegrounds.

I also started a little mage. I absolutely hated playing every mage I've ever tried because they cannot take any battle damage. I'm used to being mana cognizant playing my more battle friendly hunter, but I figured I might actually retrain myself to think about how to play a glass menagerie mage. I need to stop being so afraid of depleting all of my mana. I just have to be able to take the time between every mob to replenish. There really is no constant battle ability. Maybe as I get a little higher in my frost talent tree I'll find some talents that allow me to be a little more conservative.

I really need to stop thinking about this. I'm working on three characters simultaneously and it's getting hard to think of how to play each. Hunter, Warrior and Mage are all INCREDIBLY different and I need to focus on how to PLAY each and then worry about how to develop them.

Work Doesn't Work for Me

It's funny. I sit for about 8 hours, give or take 8, in a fabric enclosed cube. I usually have a set of headphones on and plenty of workspace. For every sense and purpose I am alone and have the ability to clearly focus on the tasks at hand. Yet it seems like I always find some way to distract myself. Usually it involves checking personal email to see if I got any new job offers or perusing the latest issue of HR information on the internet. Both of these activities do wonders in helping me to succeed in killing time, but how do they help me be productive in my current job?

I read an interesting article (I'll start posting links as soon as I stop ranting) that stated five great things to keep in mind to help you succeed in your professional life. All suggested cutting corners in your current work schedule to help keep your stress levels down, increase your creative thinking, and help arm yourself with productivity boosting vitality! But how do I use this vitality when I cannot keep my attention on one task? I don't remember always having an issue with concentration.

The work I do just doesn't seem to ask much of me so I don't give much in return. I'm paid an hourly contract sum, but have not had to prove my results. I work with professionals like me, but my boss does not always understand what we do or why. It's frustrating. Maybe I'm just crying too much.

Territorial Pissings

It's hotter than a whore den in the heart of America's penis today. Orlando Florida. The only place I've ever felt like "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" ever fully applied.

Currently the Red Hot Chili Peppers "Hump De Bump" off of Stadium Arcadium is running on the XM radio. It's not a bad song at all. I've heard a few singles off the album lately, and each one seems to dig its way into my brain to sit a spell. It's not bad, no, but that doesn't mean that it motivates me to get out there and buy it. Actually, I've not had the motivation to buy anything I've heard on the radio lately. Perhaps I'm just getting older, and therefore distancing myself from the system of modern music. I'm out of touch it could be said. I'm not in the scene to provide artistic input, and therefore do not fully enjoy the output.

How can that be true though? The Red Hot Chili Peppers have been a staple in my music collection since I first snapped up Blood Sugar Sex Magic sometime in late '93. This along with Nirvana's Nevermind were the first albums to fully open my eyes to music that could transcend counter-culture and popular culture. You didn't need to be a music snob to enjoy these albums. You just had to hate Husker Du with a red hot passion. God damn them. At least I know that I did.